The Abyss City

Ben stood quietly in a slightly larger then average bedroom. If it were empty, completely empty, the obvious conclusion is that it would definately seem much bigger. But he was already small enough, so every room seemed fairly big. An odd assorted collection of items were askew in the room. Countless images drawn, painted, coloured, stuck up on the wall. Almost covering the original wall paper completely. Only a few places remained untouched. A few other places remained mostly void of artwork considering that he could not reach it no matter how hard he tried. So the ceiling was pretty much a lofty goal that couldn't be reached.

The small, deeply stained and old chestnut dresser instead became a victim of his theraputic sketches. Theraputic and to recall upon memory so he didn't have to deal with trying to keep them in there. The pictures were in a large variety. Different drawings of animals that he had seen since he left his first master nearly a year previous to this. New creatures he still didn't know the names for. He had sketches and of those that he cared about. Those that meant so much to him. His friends, family. So on down the line. Each one had a smile on their face. It was usually the only way he ever saw them. Of course, he was usually standing back quite a ways lately. Perhaps scared that if he got too close, their happiness would be sucked and drained out, and ruined atmosphere lay in the wake.

There were pictures he had drawn of his mother too. Of course, he had never met or seen his real mother before. She had died during birth. But he knew he face from the dreams she would visit him in. He would see her so often. It was there that he would go to her and crawl into her lap. It was there that she would hold him in her protecting arms and loving embrace. A sweet kiss to his forehead and words of praise. Words of wisdom and protection. Of reassurance that he wouldn't be harmed as long as he was in her hold. It was there that she would recite his name over and over and hum to him a song that only they shared. A song he had once taught to Matsuda. Ben often wondered if his friend, no. His brother. If his brother could remember it.

Ben walked towards his bed, kicking up loose papers off the floor. These were drawings he never wanted to look at or face. These were the drawings that he treated harshly in hopes of chasing the images out of his head. To draw them out, to get rid of them and then destroy and disgrace them as they lay on the floor. Dark and twisted images. Faces contorted into sick and ghastly smiles. Wicked and malicious intent behind each pleased smile. Faces he knew. Faces that he knew but wished he had never seen. Images of tangled figures meshed together. Of agonized screams. Dark blotches, smeared across the pages. That dark seething anger. The nightmares. He hated these pictures, but he couldn't stop drawing them. No matter how hard he tried.

There was a time when Ben would find himself glued to the floor, scratching and scraping with his fingernails to lift even the smallest amounts of dirt. Where a room he stayed in would be compeletly emaculate. However, the need to clean was still there. The need and drive to scrub and clean until his knees bruised and fingers bled. Until the floors and walls wore thin, he was trying to resist. He had had more important issues at hand other then cleaning. No matter how much he felt compelled and enjoyed doing it.

Sitting down on the bed, he lay back. His knees bent as his feet rested flat on the bed beneath him. His arms folded behind his head as he stared up at the ceiling. His eye giving a twitch. So many things had happened. So much had gone on. He was only schooled in so many things. Like perfection in cleaning and scrubbing. How to get blood out of clothing. How to serve. Though now he had been trained in a few new tricks. Tears were forbidden. Forbidden unless screaming himself raw and bleeding under various conditions. Since those tears couldn't be helped. It was the emotional ones that he had complete control over now. He supposed that was a good thing.

He had learned to feed from the source and not of a vial or pack. Something that he hated. Something that disgusted him. In the moment that it happened, he revelled in it. But it was his feelings after that always got to him. He had been taught to obey when it mattered. Been taught to hate and to let anger flow. Gifts that were not welcome. Gifts that he didn't want. His mind was young. This much was much more then obvious. His mind was young and ignorant to still so much. A constant childlike way about him because of it. There was still so much he didn't know about the world around him, he became confused easily unless dealing with a topic he knew inside out.

All that Ben wanted to do was to keep those that he cared about happy, and it crushed him knowing that there was literally no way he could really do that. Though most of them seemed very very happy. It was best that he just stand back and let these things happen. Out of sight out of mind. Another rule he had been taught, but at an earlier age. He could remember being punished. Being placed in a broom closet and left there. Facing the wall. If he had come out before he was retrieved, then he would have lost his eyes. Something that he didn't want. It had been three days before he had finally been retrieved by his master at the time. Obedience was a way of life. It was how to survive, and that fact seemed to stand tall even now.

Funny enough, obedience was something that he walked a fine line on lately. He wouldn't just obey. Though in the end, that was always the result, and not by choice either. To say no was something that so many had told him. So many had told him to just say no and walk away. But what did they know? They knew very little, and why was that? Why did they know so little about the situation? Because he never told them. He didn't tell them. He didn't want to tell them. He didn't want them to have to worry about what sort of issue it was. Ben hated disscussing it. He hated discussing it because he felt that no matter how hard he would try and explain the situation at hand, there was a fear that they wouldn't understand.

But wasn't that already the case? Wasn't it already that no one understood? Finally, after being told that he should just say no. He did it. All along he had been screaming out protests that would be ignored, but this time, he just did as he wanted. He had tried to be reasonable at first and 'behave' by asking. But when told that he couldn't go and see his friends, he finally thought to himself 'fuck you' and he did it anyway. He had left and gone out. To do as he wanted anyway. To see a friend. It felt semi normal. It really had. Unfortunately, he had forgotten about a certain pink link that his system had been forced to share, and he had been found out. It had resulted in a harsh punishment that he didn't regret one bit.

He hadn't enjoyed it. It would have been impossible by the end to say that he wanted to go again, but he didn't regret saying no. Once the event had passed, Ben started to train. It was where he currently stood. He was training to get stronger. Training so he could be left alone. He was growing so tired though, and he only trained because others had said it was the only way that he would be left. He hoped that was true. Once more, it was his childlike mind to model himself after his friends. To go out and train hard. Wanting to be more like them so that they didn't have to fight his stupid battles anymore. He didn't want them to be fought for him. He hated that. Grateful that they wanted to help, yes. But he didn't like it at the same time. So training was the only way. No matter what. Sure, he loathed training. He hated everything about it, but it was the only way.

How he dreamed of the day when he could just go back to that small period in time when everything was perfect and everything was right. Where he could try and have a childhood that he never had. Where he could learn things that were beyond the boundaries of evil. Of destruction and hate. Beyond the boundaries of all that he had come to know as of late. Though, there were a few things that kept him cemented in his wants and needs to return to what he used to have in that time.

Things like the only pair of shoes he owned. The shoes that were his first pair ever. He looked over from his place on the bed to the shoes that rested by the door. He smiled at them. Miyavi had given those to him. Miyavi had been apart of a fair few firsts when he first came out and into the city. Looking back at the ceiling as he let himself wander down memory lane. That night, the first night his fear of buildings had been somewhat relieved. Spending that time with him. He remembered learning how to read his first word there. Watching a tv and learning that they made sound. That was a first too. Clean clothes. Also learning about things like orange soda and ice cream.

But those two things had been when it wasn't just Miyavi there. Miss Windstarr had been there too. There were all those cookies too. Things he had never dreamed that could exsist. Let alone ever eating them. Then Miss Gena had been so nice too. Letting him come into her home like that. Pauley, his sire. Even though he never saw her, she had been nice. He still had that camera she gave him. Mazarine. He was another of those that he cared about. An advice giver. Always wearing a smile, even when Ben felt that the smile was just a facade. Though he never questioned him. He never would.

Ben sighed. Matsuda was another one of these special people. He was another that was considered a brother. All three M's were thought of as brother's in Ben's mind. He and Matsu had common grounds that they both tread on. Similar beginnings. Well, as far as he understood. He couldn't bear to see them get hurt, or see them with a frown on their faces because of him. So he tried to keep his distance. Even though it hurt. But he would never complain about it. He didn't like complaining about it. After hearing everything he had heard, being talked to like he had. He was getting so many messages. Signals about what he should do. What he should say. How he should act. He was sick of it. It confused him to no end, so instead of trying to figure himself out like he wanted to do, he ended up trying to figure himself out and handle things the way everyone else said he should. He wanted to be able to be strong like them, but their ways weren't his. Their ways didn't work for him.

Getting up off the bed, he walked across the room on his toes. Slipping his shoes on, he left the room. Closing the door behind him, he reached up and scratched his neck lightly under the gaudy pink collar. Stupid thing. It frustrated him and he knew the trouble he would get in for taking it off. But by this point he was used to having it on. It was just irritating because of what it meant. That he was nothing but a dog. A tool, a pet. The toy that he had been dubbed. A toy with a pretty little collar. Trained to behave, though he continued to do nothing but disobey and protest. Of course, when he was just too tired, or upset, he would just listen. But after that, after he had his energy back, he would continue to scream until his throat bled. Angry protest. Ben made his way to the front door of the looming building he stayed in. Sighing softly, he opened the door and slipped out. Another long walk was going to help him. To sort his thoughts.

So what of it? Soft and nearly silent steps led Ben down and through the dark and winding streets. There was an anger deep inside. One that had recently been discovered and used. For or against him, that was still a piece of information that eluded him like smoke. In the end, it didn't matter. None of it really did. After all, why on this good green earth should it? What was he? Nothing. Not but a mindless doll to be played with. A dime a dozen that had been caught up and carried around in Hell's handbasket. Another toy. But like so many had said or claimed, one not even worth a grain of salt.

But once more, did he really care all that much? No. Not really. Ben felt he could lose absolutely everything. Just as long as he was able to hold the memory of his mother. His real mother, then he could get through things. It was how things were before. They were quite similar to the way things were now. All except for, then he was human. Now.. now he was a disgusting creature. Something he had never even completely wanted to be in the first place. Then why do it? Why was an easy thing to answer for someone who took the time to sit down and get to know how he acted and why. Not just some run of the mill copy who looks down their nose and makes assumptions.

Ben kicked a few pebbles along the dark and sparsely populated streets. Watching the small object tick off of the pavement before it bounced into the shadows and went quiet. A heaving sigh sounded as it passed his lips. Looking up to the blackened sky. He felt heavy. Like something was resting on his shoulders that he couldn't shake and only grew heavier. What he wouldn't give to surrender what he had done just so he could hear and feel his heart beating again. So that he didn't need the precious red liquid that flowed through the veins of many. What he wouldn't surrender to have that same blood flowing in him. He knew he was a moron for what he did. When the topic arose, he should have said no. He should have turned and run. Should of, could of, would of. It all boiled down to those three main starters. Should have done this. Would have done that. Could have done this. It was tiresome and repeatitive. His intelligence level was that of a child, and even he knew that.

He wanted to go back to the start. He wanted to do it differently. He felt like a complete idiot. Knowing that he was an idiot. Looking back, he could clearly see all of his downfalls and that he was better off terrified of people. Atleast that way, when he was like that. Everyone was easy to avoid. All he had to do was run. But there was one mistake that stood out clearly in his mind. One mistake that cut through him violently and ripped through him. He would shed no tears, as he knew it was probably one of the best things that could have happened. Even though it left him feeling used and worthless. More so then he did already. But he was learning his place in society wasn't he? Thinking back to the day he earned the gaudy trinket around his neck.

It bothered him. It bothered him that absolutely no one showed up. It seemed silly to still be dwelling on it, but when he got to do so little. When he was left with the same four walls at the end of the day and left with his shadow to talk to, it was hard to come up with anything other then that. No one had showed up. Even if nothing could have been done, even if it was pointless. He had hoped to see just one face that he knew that would have cared. Not about how much pain he should be dealt or how he should have been exterminated or destroyed. Like a lame dog. No. A face that he knew cared about his well being. That perhaps hurt the most. He may have been pointless and something to be stepped on. But he had feelings to. Still did. That moment stuck with him like glue.

The point in speaking to others really had disappeared. He didn't trust anyone. Fearful that opening his mouth to the wrong person would earn him nothing but being spit on. Best to keep distance then to approach and risk the further humiliation. He wanted a way out. He wanted a way out of everything. But he didn't want to take the losers way out. He would never take his own life. The point in such an act was mute. It was a useless action and only proved that the individual wasn't strong. Strength. That was something he had once tried to gain. But he supposed it wasn't right or meant for him. He would never get strong enough to fight free without a mark. God, how he wished it wasn't so. He wanted to earn his own freedom, but damnit, it was getting so hard to do.

As of late though, he had really been serving no purpose. Not a real one. He just exsisted. His exsistance wasn't even really worth much. He couldn't contribute to anything. He couldn't revert to being a blood doll. Even if he wanted. Because of that idiodic decision he had made in hopes of preserving something his young mind believed could be preserved. Who needed love? Really. Who did? He had gotten along fine without it. Infact, until he fell into it, his life had been good. A cool feeling settled over him and he frowned and stopped walking. No. He needed to move his mind to something more worth while. Looking around, he found nothing that caught his eye. How long had he been out? Seemed like hours, but he knew it was only minutes. Maybe twenty. Just as long as he got back before the sun came up, he knew he would be fine. Unfortunately. He hated being what he was, and wished there was a way to go back. But he seriously doubted that there was a way to turn back.

Eventually, his wanderings led him to a park. Taking a chance, he decided to move into the darkened and empty area. Walking until he found a bench, he smiled and approaching it. Sitting on a bench as his legs swayed gently. Barely kicking as he let them dangle off the ground by just centimeters. His eye twitched a little. It was nice that this twitch and slowed up a little. It wasn't as often or frequent as before when it first started. Thank the gods or fates. Whoever was out there. Ben couldn't grasp this concept really well. He didn't get it. He just heard people thanking such things, so he did it too. The concept of a God really was never something he honestly took firm hold in persuing. Maybe he should. He drew in a deep sigh. Even if his lungs weren't needed. He still used them because he could.

Brown eyes glancing around the darkness that surrounded. He leaned back in the bench and stared up at the starry sky. He wished he could go up there and take one of those stars for his very own. To be able to take on of those lights from the sky and keep it safe in his pocket forever. Maybe he wouldn't be so lonely then. To have the company of stars. It would be nice, and he would have so many friends. All the stars in the heavens that shone down and blinked at the earth below. Letting themselves be seen. Stealing away in the day without being stolen at all. They hide behind the brilliant blue veil and peek out from behind it to keep watch over the globe. Stars were wonderful. They always returned in the end. That was why they were so special maybe. He wished he could be like them. Surrounded by so many that shone so brightly. High above and safe from harm.

This would be the end of things. It was firm in his mind, and he didn't care if he came out the other side horribly disfigured or not. He wanted out. He hadn't been sitting on that bench for long before he stood up again and began to return back down the path he had come. Ben was hoping for and praying for some kind of miracle. He needed one. But he couldn't just sit and let these things happen anymore. Not that he had in the first place. No. Never. He was truly fed up this time. Now this was not the first time he felt that way. He had a tendancy to lay down and take it as it was given to him. But even he had his limits and buttons to be pushed. If he were pushed the wrong way, or too much, he would get angry and fight. It was still something he was getting used to. That anger. He didn't want it. It made him jump all over the place in the terms of moods and actions. Anger and hate were pointless lessons that were taught. Lessons that once more, he hadn't wanted to learn. He already knew about those things. He didn't want to learn to use them. With them came nothing but hurt and what was the point in that? He couldn't think straight. But how could he? Ben wasn't the kind of... thing.. to adjust and easily act within violence. He could do it, but it was hard. Very hard and something he would much rather avoid the anything else.

The hideous landscape of the place he was made to call home, came back into view. He stil refused to look anywhere but the ground as he passed through the gates. Disgusting. Atleast they couldn't take his mind from him. His thoughts. Sighing heavily as he continued to move along the path up to the building. He reached out and rested his hands on the door handles. Taking in a long and deep sigh, he almost held his breath and slipped inside. Closing the door behind him as quietly as he possibly could. Tonight was it. He would go up to his room and collect what little he had and then he would end it and leave. He was determined. Scared as hell and shivering in his shoes. Paranoid a little and worried. But he was determined. He missed actually seeing people he knew and going places without feeling paranoid about what might happen later. Tonight was the very last of the last and he was at the end of his teather.

It took a while, but Ben walked now as free as a bird. Well, for the most part. There was still the nagging pulls in the back of his mind that had him on a constant guilt trip. How all of it had been his fault. Who was to say he didn't bring it on himself? No one. He had brought it on himself and he understood that. Now more then ever he understood it. But now was not the time to dwell. He was trying to push himself to a place where dwelling on such things would not happen. In order to better the mind, he needed to stop the mindless dwelling. If his feelings continued, then he could just do what everyone else did. Bottle it up and lock it away. Turn into a cold object and just merely exsist. Moping behind closed doors. But that wasn't who he was. He wouldn't want to turn into a hollow shell. He had been one, and still felt like one, and he needed and wanted to change it.

He felt broken. Like in the letter he had left for his family. He felt his head was broken. His mind was cracked and he just needed to be away. It was why he left. Now all he could bring himself to do was to pull himself from the truck. He offered a small smile to the driver who had been kind enough to pick him up. You take care kid. Here, your looking a little pale. Go buy yourself something to eat. Ben accepted the money with wide eyes, though he held his tongue. A low rumble in the distance sounded and with it, that sweet scent of fresh rain came. It was going to storm. ... Thank you sir... He replied. He stepped down from the towering vehicle and reached up to close the door. A loud horn of farewell was sounded as Ben started to walk towards a near by motel. There was a loud crack followed closey by the deafening boom of thunder. The sky lit up and the rain started to pour down hard. Beating against the ground and slicking is surface quickly. Ben ran through as fast as he could. His hair sticking to his forehead and cheeks as he was quickly drenched. His legs carried him to the main office door. Why was there no awning? He grabbed the doorknob and started to turn it, but it was locked. He furrowed his brow and started to knock on the door. Hey! Let me in please! Its raining! Duh. If the manager hadn't heard the thunder and the rain pounding the roof, then he would have to have been stone deaf.

No answer. Ben frowned. Maybe leaving the castle and everyone wasn't such a hot idea. But atleast he wasn't in the city anymore. He was out and away from all that hell. Running around to the nearest window, he pressed his face against the glass and brought his hands to block out the lightning glare. Peering inside, the place was black. Not a scrap of light anywhere. Hello!? He called. The sound muffled through the glass, but it was better then shouting through the door. Is there anyone in there? I want a room! Then suddenly, the glass around him cracked and shattered. He stood stalk still with a look of shock on his face. His ears were ringing loudly. Was that thunder? He heard it again. A loud crack, but this was different. He ducked as he felt something graze his cheek. Spinning down, he hit the ground and tucked his knees up. Pressing his back against the wall. He brought his fingers up to his cheek and pulled them back. Blood. A few thousand things were running through his mind at this point. Someone was inside. That was for sure. But another was, whoever was in there had a gun. From the sounds of it, it was a big gun. He was sure he could tolerate the pain. Just as long as he wasn't shot in the head or chest. Ben reached up and waved his hand a little. Money in the grip. P-Please! I just want a room. Please... His voice was nearly drowned out by the sound of the storm. The street lights near by were enough to keep the darkness at bay.

Get out of here freak! I know what you want! Did you hear me? I said get the hell out of here! There was another shot and Ben let out a yelp of pain. The bullet going through his hand this time. He quickly pulled his arm back down. Not caring about the money. His hand was bleeding like mad and he could see through the hole that was now there. He held the hand to his mouth and started to lick cautiously at the wound to get it to heal faster. Scrambling, he crawled away from the window and just started to run from the building. Disappearing into the darkness as his feet pounded the ground hard. He whimpered to himself as the storm raged on. He was cold and soaked. He didn't know where he was, all he knew was that he was really far out. The area was sparsely populated. He mourned his hand, but it was healing over. The bone reconstructing itself and mending. The tissues coming together once again and sealing over leaving the area clean and scar free. He sighed. There was a dull ache in his hand, much like a growing pain. Though he knew it was just normal. It would leave him soon. He pulled his hood down and just let the rain pelt him. There was no point in having the hood up if the rain was just going to go through it. Water resistant. Not proof. Dark eyes scanned the empty horizon. The odd street lamp lit the road, but it was impossible to tell if this was all there was or not. All around him was just flat and empty country side. A few trees and bushes here and there. But that was it.

In the distance there was a yard. Someone's lights were on. He stopped. Hesistant about running up to the house, but he was cold. Cold and soaking wet and he wasn't getting any drier. He hugged himself tightly and started to make his way through the muck to get there. His feet sloshing through the puddles and squishing through the mud that was building as he crossed the less then kept yard. His shoes quickly encasing in mud. It was enough to nearly send him nuts. He hated it when his shoes got dirty. Thats what shoes were for though, but he still hated it. Mainly because these shoes made him think of Miyavi and Matsuda. He didn't want them dirty. Not like this. He stopped and pulled his shoes off and grabbed a stick. scraping the mud from them as he continued to walk sock foot through the mud. Yes, this was extremely stupid, but he didn't care. In his mind, one more stupid thing was just that. Not like it would be noticed amoung the larger mistakes he made. Once they were cleaned off as best as he could get them, he approached the door. Glad there was an awning here. He looked like a soaked pup. Lifting a hesitant hand to the door, he took the knocker in hand and gave a few taps against the door.

Now all he could do was wait and just pray this person wasn't carrying anything. A few moments passed before he heard some voices and shuffling. The locks on the door sounded and soon the wooden barrier was opening. Ben was faced with a group of people. What looked to be a family of sorts. Or maybe not all family. ... P-please.. I'm really.. really tired and its raining.. I just need somewhere to stay for a day. I'll be gone by tomorrow night. I promise... He stood beneath their studying stares and waited for what felt like forever. Why were all the people out this way so weird. Come on. Lets get you inside and dry. The apparent mother figure pushed through the group and came towards him with a towel. Wrapping it around his shoulders, he was helped inside and the door closed.

How long had he been there? A day, two days? A week? Time seemed to go by at a fast and sometimes slow rate, all he knew was that he slept. His hunger slowly growing and stirring within, but he continued to sleep. Remembering to ask the kind, yet odd group of strangers to leave the blinds down. Slowly, very slowly his chest rose and fell in a soft and silent slumber. He didn't stir and he didn't move. On a few rare occassions, his eyes would flutter open and he would look around with a dozy feel. Sight blurred with sleep before they closed again and he was out like a light. Soft breathing was the only sound that filled the room around the mentally, emotionally and physically exhausted vampire. He was so drained and he hadn't even realized it until he had left the city. So exhausted. When he finally hit a bed, or rather a cot, and his head rested on a pillow and he was bound in blankets it was impossible to stay awake for even a last second to give a name. So now he lay here. Sleeping in a stranger's home. Nameless and a stranger to them. A subject of suspicion and interest.

- - - _ - - - _ - - - _ Earlier _ - - - _ - - - _ - - -

That night, the night he was helped into the strange little house off the road, Ben was helped through the building. Taken to the bathroom and with a thousand apologies, was stripped of his clothing. A large warm towel had been wrapped around him while the woman called out for a shirt and some pants. She cleaned out his pockets. The only belongings he carried was just that cell phone. It was set on a small shelf above the sink, and those shoes he had carried in his arms were set into the sink. The woman who had eventually revealed her name to be Martha, had adjusted the taps in the bath. Ben could tell that she was trying hard to ignore his scar riddled body, so he hugged the towel tightly to try and ease the discomfort in the bathroom. Once the tub was full, she had motioned for him to get in. Taking his phone and the blow dryer, she left the bathroom and closed the door. Leaving him to his own devices so he could warm himself and get clean. He merely sat in the water motionless. Shivering a little. This was nice. It was nice but it wasn't enough. Slowly, he let himself slip beneath the surface of the water. Not to try anything stupid, it was just to surround himself with the warm water. To completely encase himself in the warm liquid that helped to cleanse his body. A clean body was merely step one, but he felt he was far from being clean yet.

Slowly but surely, the youth poked his head above the surface of the water. Brown eyes scanning the area, searching for something that might aid him in feeling better. More acceptable. He spotted a scrub brush and sat up fully. Leaning forward, he reached out and grasped the handle firmly in his hands. Dipping the bristled end below the water before lifting it out again, he pressed it to his arms and started to scrub. Applying pressure as he did so. He needed to clean away the layer of skin that was filth. That was itching and uncomfortable. He scrubbed until his skin was red before moving onto another limb. Meanwhile, outside the door he could hear them. His keen ears picking up on the soft whispers of those that resided in the house. Trying not to eaves drop, it was nearly impossible. Especially when he knew they were talking about him. What to do with him, if he was a danger. There was a clear line between sides. Side A decided that he was safe to keep around and was vulnerable while side B decided that he was a threat and a danger. That he might kill them in their sleep and steal off in the night with their money and belongings. Though he knew he was capable of that, he knew he would never do it.

Once he felt his skin was able to breathe again. Once he was satisfied with the raw feeling after a good scrubbing, he had set out to wash his hair next. This had probably really been his first bath in a while. A real bath with actual scrubbing and washing, not just a dunk in the water being too forlorn or sore to do anything else then sit there. He felt so good. His body felt like it was his own again and that was a wonderful sensation. He stood up and grabbed the towel from the rack. Wrapping himself in it, he avoided looking in the mirror at all costs. He wasn't ready for that. He wasn't ready to face himself just yet, and he wondered if he ever would be. Eyes moved to the shoes in the sink as he slowly walked towards them. The towel wrapped and tucked firmly around his waist. Ben's fingers wrapped around the edge of the sink as he looked inside of it at the shoes that sat there. He frowned at their dirtied state. Reaching out to touch the mud stained laces, he sighed before turning back to the fresh clothes that lay neatly folded behind him. Slowly he pulled the towel off and pulled on the old sweat pants, then the cotton shirt. The clothing was a little big on him, but that was alright, he liked how it hid more of his body. Once he was dressed, he drained the bath and began to clean the bathroom. His exhaustion led his work to not be as emaculate as usual, but it was enough to satisfy to a point. Leaving the shoes in the sink, he heard a knock on the door. Giving the okay, he watched Martha walk in with his phone.

Here you are sweetheart. I used a blow dryer to dry the moisture so it wouldn't get ruined. He nodded a silent thank you as he gave a small smile. She handed the phone to him and smiled warmly. Come on dear, let's get you to bed before the sun rises so you can atleast wake during the day at some point. Ben his eyes widened and he shook his head a little. Um... I can't.. I um... I'm used to sleeping in the day. I'm.... allergic... to... the sun. He says. Lying through his teeth as he gives her a sincere look. She blinks at him a few times before she speaks finally. Oh, sweety I'm sorry. I didn't know you were photosensitive. Ben had no idea what that was. Did that mean he cried around pictures? He guessed though that his lie worked. Though he had never actually heard of someone being allergic to sunlight before. He just nodded in agreement and gave a weak smile.
Could um.. could the windows be closed. So no sun gets in? She nods and leads him through the small house to the guest room that was actually located in the basement. She turned the blinds down over the small window in the room and pulled the curtains shut. He watched in silence as she turned the bed down for him and he climbed in.
Where are my clothes? What about my shoes? She smiled and kissed his forehead before helping him to lay down. Don't you worry. Your clothes are being washed, and I will clean your shoes for you. I'll bring them all in here when they are done. Now you get some sleep and we will figure out what to do about you. He lay stiff in the bed. He didn't trust her. Not completely. But his trust in women dropped since his ordeal. He couldn't really be blamed, so he was edgy a little, though his head hit the pillow and he was soon out.

- - - _ - - - _ - - -

So now here he was. Drifting in and out of the long and much needed sleep. Occassionally opening his eyes and glancing around the room before he was slipping into unconsciousness once again. The turmoil that stirred in his mind. He didn't want the nightmares to start surfacing again, but it wasn't exactly something that he coould control on a whim. No matter how much he would have liked to. Hell, he would have liked to be nightmare free completely, but the unfortunate situation that was, was telling him to suck it up and stick it out. Because these things wouldn't give up so easily. Ben continued to sleep heavily. His much needed rest, the deep unconsciousness that pinned him down to the cot that he slept on, that kept him still beneath the blankets and his head on the pillow. It felt too good to wake from. He wanted to stay like this a little longer, to stay like this and have the nightmares disappear. Oh that would have been such a lovely thing.

Life had gone on. Things had moved and time had changed. The earth spun on axis and continued its eternal rotation as it had been doing since the beginning of time. He had grown accustomed to these faces. The faces of strangers that offered him a place to stay. That put food in his belly, though that unfortunately was not what he needed. It was more then what he wanted. He wanted so badly for that to be all that he needed. A hot plate of food could not sedate his true hunger unfortunately, and he had been forced to reluctantly remove himself from the home before any harm became of those residence inside. Ben wouldn't let them come to harm because of him, so he left.

Once again he was out and alone. But that didn't bother him as much as it normally might have. Being alone was something he had experienced many times within the passed few months, and he had through that time come to understand that there was a difference between being alone, and being lonely. He was alone, but lonely had nothing to do with it. He wasn't lonely because he knew he had friends, and that there was a family waiting for him. Or, possibly not. He was unsure, but he knew that he definitely had friends. So if he had friends, there was no reason for him to be lonely. To think otherwise would prove him thick headed and more or less blind to the affection of others and his own feelings about them. So lonely wasn't an option, but right now he was alone. Not a soul within miles of where his feet were leading him. Wherever that might be.

This was stupid. Truly it was. He wasn't in the city. He was out in god's land somewhere. Walking and pulling his feet to fall on the ground with each step that came to pass. Carrying him further and further from the city and everyone within it. Farther away from civilization. If the city could be considered civil. That was a laugh on its own. Some of the residence could boast of such a title. Of being civilized. But a few others had a lot of work to do before they could think of themselves as such. Ben himself felt he was amoung that group. He had a lot of work to do if he wanted to have even the smallest ounce of respect. He knew that wasn't going to be easy. There were a lot of things that would be easier, but to live like a constant smear on the underside of society was not something that most would surrender to and be happy with.

Ben didn't want to strive and reach for such a high star and hope that he might gain respect amoungst those that consider themselves of a higher path. God no. He just hoped for the smallest tiniest bit of respect amoung the lower level. Not the rock bottom class, but somewhere in the middle. It wasn't as if he was going to strike out and go out of his way to try and make friends with them, or try to pretend that he was as smart as the others. No, he just wanted to be able to shake this horrible shadow that had been swallowing him ever since that first day. He didn't think it was too much to ask, but he believed that about a lot of things and had almost always been proved wrong.

He stopped where he was and looked down at his shoes. Smiling at them for a moment as he zipped up his hoodie. Looking up again, he stared at the seemingly endless road ahead of him. An old and cracked road that was swallowed in the darkness of the moonless night. His eyes that gifted him the sight needed in the night, allowed him to look through that. Nothing. There was nothing up there. He turned on his heels and looked back. Scanning the horizon. He couldn't even see the low hazing glow that would illuminate the sky above the city anymore. Where was he? He frowned and wished he had tried to learn more about what was beyond the city that he had lived in all his life. Though, even when he was in the city, he didn't realize it until he left the 'care' of his first master. Well, he was sure of himself in the decision that he would never let it happen again. Not ever. Not to anyone.

He looked back to the nothing that lay ahead of him and started off again. He was not ready to turn back and return now. He still had a bit of sorting out to do. Just a little longer perhaps. Until then, he could get by. He would get by and continue to figure things out.

There was a soft groan that passed his lips. Dry and cracked. Chapped, slightly flaking lips that begged for moisture. He tried to swallow, but it was a rough scraping sensation that followed, and his brow furrowed in protesting irritation to the feeling. As Ben slowly became more aware of himself, his eyes blinked a couple of times. God they were sore. So sore. Like he had been down with the flu for a week and his eyes throbbed and ached from intense pressure from coughing and puking. Though that couldn't have been why he felt like this. He tried to open them, but his lids were just too heavy to open. Not even a crack. Wherever he was, it was dark. It was dark and he could tell simply from the lack of light hue on his lids.

There was an ache that moved through his body. What happened to cause this ache? It was slow and throbbing and spread over his body completely and covered him. No inch was sacred where this was concerned. Ben was motionless. Where was he? On a bed? It was definitely too soft to be a table or the floor, or hell, even just some crates pushed together to suffice as a makeshift surface. But no, it was not those things. This had to be a bed. His mind was swimming in confusion and he began to worry about so many different things. Was he hit by a truck? His brow furrowed a little and he tried to open his eyes again. With some success, he managed to open them a slit, but he wouldn't have been able to tell if he couldn't feel the lids parting. He indeed was in nothing but a black room.

Ben didn't try to move. He just lay still and tried to let his eyes adjust to the darkness that surrounded. Why couldn't he see through it? It was like he was blind, but he didn't think that was right. It couldn't be. He could just tell. There was just something so incredibly odd about it all, and soon his assumptions were proven right. There was a light. His vision was blurred though and the light proved to be too much for his eyes to handle in that moment. Ben groaned in disapproval of the intruding light and closed his eyes again. He heard a flick and the room he lay in filled with light. The darkness receeded into the cracks and under the bed to hide until the light bulb would be turned off. Only then would it swallow the room whole again.

The sound of breathing now. Not his own, but of another. Hey kid. Ben remained quiet. His face scrunching slightly. Kid, wake up. Open your eyes and look at me. Can you do that? Ben slowly began to comply. Heavy and sore eyes slowly peeked open. His vision was blurry at first and with the light on, it was very hard to keep his eyes open and adjust. Eventually it became easier and he was able to focus more. His sight cleared up and he was able to look into the face of the man who belonged to the hard voice. How do you feel? Ben seemed to be just staring at the man. Who was this guy? Snap snap snap. He blinked as the fingers were snapped in his face. How do you feel? Repeated the stranger, this time his voice a little more irritated. .... F-fine... He mumbled. His voice was hoarse and cracking. ... thirsty... Something was different. What happened? The man silently got up and left and Ben could only hope that he was getting him some water, or something.